What is This Sorcery?
by QuirkySmile
Summary: Uther Pendragon discovers Merthur, and is determined to drive this evil beast out of Camelot. One-shot! No slash.


**Hey! After months of this story just being on my computer, my sister convinced me to upload it onto here. It is by far not the best thing that I've ever written (not even close), but hopefully you'll be able to find some humor in it. **

**I got the idea for this from Emachinescat, and her story To Write A FanFiction, you should really read that story! It is hilarious!** **This is sort of a sequel to that, but you wouldn't have to read the other one first (though, seriously, go read it! It is AWESOME). **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. "But what if you did?" asked an ominous voice. "Well, since you asked...MERGANA WOULD HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED IN SEASON ONE! Oh, and there wouldn't be so many situations that feed the Merthur fans." Their relationship is strictly a bromance.**

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Uther walked down the Pratty-Corridor, doing his pratty-walk of prattness. (What Uther didn't know was that the corridor had once been enchanted by sorcery to make it so that one could only walk through it in a pratty way!)

He saw a shape huddled in a corner, next to a pillar, rocking back and forth, in a catatonic manner. It wasn't until the king was closer to the form that he discovered it to be human. He only realized this because he could hear it repeatedly mumbling "No, just no…No, just no…No, just no…."

Uther snorted with disgust, "Idiot food shortage boy," without even bothering to stop in his pratty-walking (not that he could've if he tried, the enchantment wouldn't have let him).

Uther finally reached his destination: Arthur's room. He rapped twice on the door, but no response was to be had.

"Arthur, open the door! I must speak with you!" Still no response was to be had.

Being a snoop, Uther opened the door without invitation and found his son's room in a disarray: paper everywhere, a pack of writing utensils scattered across both the bed and the desk.

Then he saw it, a piece of paper that must have fallen out of the fireplace, for it was slightly scorched around the edges.

Uther picked it up and began to read what the paper had to say. It was in the insolent food shortage boy's (he never could remember the awkward servant's name) writing.

It was a list titled: _To Write a Fan Fiction_, and had a column of seven items listed with things necessary and small explanations. Uther's face got pale, then red, then purple as he read all of the items on the list. What gave the boy any right to speak of his son in such a manner, the nerve of him to call Arthur a prat! Then his eyes hit number seven: Merthur.

"What is this sorcery?" He demanded aloud. He never heard of this Merthur before and, logically, assumed it to be a creature of magic. It would explain Merlin's-ah, yes, that was the boy's name-earlier predicament. He must be under the spell of this Merthur. This spell could be contagious; it needed to be extinguished before all of Camelot fell prey to it!

"I must consult with Gaius, my partner in the battle to rid Camelot of magic. He may know what the nature of this Merthur is!" And thus pratty-walked off to the Court Physician's chamber.

"Merlin, it that you?" Gaius called, but when he saw Uther before him he bowed and said: "Sire, how may I be of assistance?"

"I have found this list in Arthur's room which I believe to be a source of magic. It talks of something I've never heard of before. Something called _Merthur_."

Gaius dropped the vile of sleeping draft he was concocting for the Lady Morgana, and turned to the king with a crazy twitch in his raised eyebrow.

"How have you come to hear of this?" Gaius questioned.

"I have told you, it was in Arthur's room."

Gaius gasped, "You witnessed it taking place?"

"No, I'm not yet sure of what it is. I came to see if you had any knowledge to the nature of this 'Merthur.'" The king was growing impatient and only wanted his suspicions to be confirmed so he could send Arthur out to destroy Merthur.

"I have heard of Merthur before. Its origin could be considered magical. Its origin comes from the Great Dragon which you keep locked far below the castle."

"Yes, I could've guessed as much. We must go and force the Dragon to put an end to this! I do believe that Merthur is already affecting some of the staff. Just now I've seen Merlin rocking back and forth-more useless than he normally is."

Gaius' eyebrow only rose further up at this, and then he and Uther exited the room to head to the cave beneath the castle.

"Aaahhh…" The Dragon hissed upon seeing Uther and Gaius. "Why are you here? Have you come to release me Uther Pendragon?"

"It talks? Why does it talk?" Uther whisper questioned to Gaius.

"We're not sure, sire, but I am looking into it." Gaius replied.

Then, Uther struck a truly imposing stance and shouted at the Dragon,

"What is the source of this 'Merthur' you have set loose upon my kingdom? Have it stopped, or I'll chop your head off!"

The Dragon laughed, "Ah-ha-ha-ha! It cannot be stopped Uther Pendragon. It is not an enemy that can be easily conquered."

"Tell me what it is now!" Uther even stamped his foot for emphasis.

"Ask your physician-he knows the nature of it."

"Gaius?" Uther questioned. Gaius only shuffled his feet awkwardly, and looked down at the ground not answering. "Gaius, what is the 'Merthur?'"

"*Ahem* Sire, it is Merlin's and Arthur's names combined."

"Why? Why is my son's name combined with that of a mere servant?"

"Because it is their destiny!" The Dragon interrupted. "They are two side of a coin. Their lives will be forever intertwined, whether you approve or not."

"Explain to me, Gaius. I do not understand this beast's riddles."

"It is a romance, sire, concocted by rabid fan-girls (and boys) that pair your son with Merlin. It is extremely popular!"

Uther spluttered in incoherent rage. Again his face made an attempt to match every color of the rainbow-ending with a greenish yellow.

"I don't feel steady, Gaius. Support me." And so Gaius did. He escorted the king back to the Royal Chamber and laid the nauseous king to sleep.

It was the next morning when Uther decided to make a formal proclamation to the whole kingdom. He stood in front of all of his Royal Garb, red cape flowing behind him as he looked down upon his subjects from the vantage point of his balcony.

"In light of recent events," He began his speech, "I am issuing a new law for this land.

"Yesterday, a new form of evil was made known to me. It is called _Merthur._" At the mention, a group of teenage peasants squealed with uncontrollable delight. Merlin's face completely blanched, and almost fell over from the sudden weakness that overcame his knees. Arthur cast a nervous glance in the dark haired boy's direction. Uther narrowed his eyes until they were mere slits, the peasants quickly quieted.

"Merthur is now on the same level of evil as sorcery, and any found taking part in it will be executed without trial. It will be a painful death, and mercy will be shown to none." His eyes scanned the whole audience before him.

The group of teenagers had a crestfallen look about them, mouths wide open and eyes downcast in fear.

Arthur, who was standing right next to his manservant, continued to stare at Merlin out of the corner of his eyes, and Merlin stared back. Ever so slowly, the two started to scoot away from each other, and eventually ran away from the crowd. In the distance, Merlin could hear the king declaring a celebration to be held in honor of ridding the world of Merthur. Merlin had never felt more in agreement with a decision that King Uther made.

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**Feel free to leave me a review telling me what you liked/didn't like about my story. Also, if you notice any spell/grammatical errors, feel free to point them out :). ~QuirkySmile**


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